Why What We’ve Been Told About Digital Well-Being Is Wrong By Cassie Widders

Last Updated on April 9, 2023 by Thalia

Health and well-being are two words most of us can say we care about and try to incorporate into our lives.

From that healthy meal we cooked last night, to that yoga live stream we’re hoping to catch tonight. We know to move our bodies, to get fresh air and to rest.

But how many of us wake up and immediately check our phones? Or scroll social media as we make our coffee? Work on a screen? Listen to a podcast on our lunch break? Have meetings online? And catch some Netflix in the evening?

Harmless things when done alone, but done collectively day after day, that’s another story.

And then how many of us keep our phones on the table as we have lunch with friends? Scroll Instagram as we chill on the sofa with our partner?

How many of us instinctively hold our phones for no other reason than out of habit?

The answer is most of us really.

This is where we reach a crossroads when it comes to our general health and well-being.

Thanks in part to the boom in the wellness industry on social media, we’re prioritizing our well-being more than ever.

And yet even when we make positive choices to look after ourselves, we neglect our holistic wellness because a key area in the 21st century is absent – our digital well-being.

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What is digital well-being?

Digital well-being, or digital wellness, is a term used to describe the impact that technology has on our physical, mental, and emotional well-being.

But what do we know about it? Well, we actually know a lot…

We know we shouldn’t check our phones before bed to ensure we get the best sleep possible.

We know we shouldn’t start our day checking notifications and social media because it can very easily change our mood and impact our day.

We know we shouldn’t follow accounts that trigger us or make us feel rubbish.

We know a lot of things, so why don’t we implement them? The biggest reason is that what we’ve been told about digital well-being is wrong.

We’ve been told how to manage it, not how to treat it.

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Is a digital detox the key to digital wellness?

Let’s take the example of the very popular notion of digital detoxing. The idea is simple and powerful – take a period of time completely away from technology, or more commonly, social media.

What is interesting about the phenomenon of the digital detox is its popularity – 282k hashtags on Instagram, a designated digital detox day, apps to help you stick to it, and the list goes on.

This tells us we’re craving it, we’ve reached a point of content overload and constant overstimulation and we just need a break.

But a digital detox is not your key to digital wellness.

It is simply a plaster to make you feel better in the moment, it doesn’t stitch up the wound. It is a management tool.

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“A digital detox is simply a plaster.”

Cassie Widders

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5 easy ways to treat bad digital habits

Managing our relationship with our phones and social media looks like having more apps to manage our apps. It’s uninstalling the temptation every Friday evening so we can enjoy the weekend.

But treating our harmful digital habits looks like addressing the root cause of the problem. Because it’s not your digital habits that are the problem, it’s the reason you have those digital habits.

We could work on stopping you from scrolling TikTok for hours. But why do you spend hours scrolling TikTok in the first place?

We could work on tips to practice physical distance from your phone. But why do you choose to not leave your phone at home when you go out for the day?

To get a real, sustainable solution in order to change our behaviour, we need to get to the root cause of why we’re using technology in our lives in the way that we do.

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“It’s not your digital habits that are the problem, it’s the reason you have those digital habits.”

Cassie Widders

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1 | Figure out what’s important to you

The first thing we can do is to find out what’s really important to us. Why it’s important, and ensure the technology we’re using works towards that, instead of pulling us away from it.

Begin by making a list of what’s important to you – it could be your career, your health, your family or friends, perhaps it’s your personal or spiritual growth, a community, a place or environment, your freedom, or even words like fun or stability.

Go deep here and ask yourself:

• What is my definition of success?
• What does success look like to me?
• What does success feel like to me?
• What would my perfect day look like?
• What are my values?

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2 | Challenge your values

Now challenge everything you’ve put down and ask yourself why these are important to you.

For example, perhaps “time freedom” is important to you.

I want you to visualise what having “time freedom” would mean for you.

• What does it look like?
• Is it having the time to read a book?
• The time to work out?
• How does doing those things make you feel?

By questioning why this is important to you, you can start to break down the barriers that you subconsciously put up. That we all put up.

These barriers could well be societal expectations, such as saying that family is important to you because you feel it would reflect badly on you if you said it wasn’t. Even though not everyone values family time as their number one priority.

Equally, especially as women, you may feel unfeminist if you verbalise that your career is not your number one priority.

Challenge yourself to really pin down exactly what’s important to you.

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3 | Analyse your current digital relationship

Now take a look at what your current experience with technology is and your relationship with your devices and your apps.

• How do you use them?
• What for?
• When do you use them?
• For how long?
• How do they make you feel?

Think of both the positives and the negatives here.

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4 | Compare each list

Using both of these lists, think about what impact the way you use the technology in your life has on the areas that are most important to you.

They can be both positive and negative.

Write it all down.

This is where we can start to form a picture of what needs to change to help you achieve the real markers of success in your life.

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5 | Replace technology with new experiences

Now the question is… how do we change?

Well, we need to understand that our digital habits give us a reward. Or at least the prospect of a reward, such as a dopamine hit that makes us feel good, even if it’s fleeting.

To change our digital habits in a way that is sustainable, we have to make new experiences.

This is so that the brain can create new neural pathways that will replace the dopamine or, serotonin hit or feel-good reaction that we get from our current digital habits.

So, the big question to consider is this:

• What are you going to do to replace those chemicals that you’re subconsciously chasing?
• What new experiences are you going to create to replace the dopamine hit that gives you a feeling of pleasure, satisfaction, and motivation when people like your latest post?
• What new experiences are you going to create to replace the serotonin hit that gives you a feeling of pride and recognition when your follower count grows?

This is where knowing what you value is important because these are the things that will light you up inside. So how can you do more of those things?

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“A sustainable solution to changing our digital habits, is getting to the root cause of why we use technology in the way that we do.”

Cassie Widders

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Final thoughts

Your digital well-being journey is a journey towards a more fulfilling and enriched life.

And the way to start is by creating new experiences to replace what you’re subconsciously chasing every time you pick up your phone or scroll on social media.

Always focus on the root cause if you want to truly change your digital behaviour for the long term and incorporate digital well-being into your life.

Because digital well-being is not just about managing your digital habits.

It’s about treating them.

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About the writer