From the moment we’re born, we’re funnelled down the same path.
Go to school. Go to uni. Find a job and keep it for 40 years. Buy a house. Get married. Have children. Retire. And die.
We live life on autopilot because of these expectations placed on us and never question whether it’s something we truly want. Until it’s too late.
But the truth is — life isn’t about living “the same year 75 times.”
It’s about self-discovery and prioritising your needs and happiness over what is expected of you. And believe me when I say this… It’s more than possible.
So, if you’re like me and can’t bear to settle for a life you’re not in love with, let me show you the alternative.
What is lifestyle design?
Lifestyle design is a powerful approach to creating a life that brings you joy, fulfilment and purpose. Kinda like finding your Ikigai.
It means consciously creating a life that aligns with your core values and overall vision. (Don’t worry; we’ll dive into that a bit later.)
It requires you to dig deep and ask yourself whether you’re actually building the life you want. Or if you’re stuck following a path that is expected of you.
A path that looks like working a 9-to-5, living for the weekend, going on a string of Tinder dates to find “the one”, and grabbing brunch with your besties on Sunday.
If this sounds all too familiar, it’s because I’ve been there.
This was my life back when I lived and worked in London. The best and worst days of my life.
Best — because I was having a lot of fun.
Worst — because I constantly felt lost and felt so uncertain about my future that it gave me anxiety.
Long story short, I knew I wanted more out of life than a bog-standard desk job and a week’s holiday during the summer.
So, I started to look for a way out. And this led me to lifestyle design, a term coined by Tim Ferris in The 4-Hour Work Week (2007). He explains it as designing a lifestyle you actually like living in.
If you’d told me at 27 years old, when I was mentally at my lowest, that I’d be living life on my terms, I’d probably have laughed in your face. But here we are.
Designing a lifestyle that I’m in love with and one that makes me thrive has quite simply changed my life.
I’m no longer restricted by rules placed on me by others.
I’m no longer stuck following expectations written by society.
And I’m completely and utterly at peace within myself. Now that, to me, is freedom.
“True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake, it is making the choice to build a life you don’t need to regularly escape from.”
Brianna Wiest
Telltale signs you need lifestyle design
I usually use this second header section within my blog posts to explain the benefits of that particular topic.
But when it comes to lifestyle design, the benefits are more than obvious. (Greater life satisfaction, more fulfilment and meaning, waking up every single day to your dream lifestyle, inner peace and happiness.)
So I thought I’d reserve this section for something more important — the telltale signs that you’re in need of lifestyle design.
These were some of the emotions I was going through during my late twenties:
- You hate Mondays
- You constantly clock-watch
- You plan your weekends in advance
- You never feel satisfied after a big achievement
- You struggle to make decisions and ask others to make them for you
- You feel sick thinking about your future
- You lack direction and purpose
- You feel unhappy and unfulfilled
If you’re currently experiencing one or more of these obstacles, I want you to know that you’re not alone.
There are a lot of women out there going through exactly what you are going through. I was one of those women. But I managed to overcome the obstacles that I was facing.
And it all started with the below 5-part framework.
So trust me when I say this: Creating a life you love is within your reach.
How to design a life you love in 5 steps
No matter how tempting it is to suddenly quit your 9-to-5 and travel the world, you need to do the inner mindset work first. Because let me tell you, going against the norm is not as easy as it looks.
You need to have the clarity and confidence it takes to stop questioning whether you’re on the right path or not.
You need to have the courage and resilience it takes to tackle any obstacles or setbacks that come your way.
You need to have belief in yourself to make it happen.
And this 5-part framework will help you build that foundation. So do not skip any of the below steps. They’re essential for breaking free of the hamster wheel and creating the fulfilling life you actually want.
I encourage you to bookmark this page so you can refer back to it whenever you need to.
1 | Define what success means to you
Before you can begin to design your dream life, you first need to shift your beliefs and thinking.
Especially around success.
From a very young age, we establish that money and appearance dictate how successful an individual is.
We grow up to become teens and young twenty-somethings wanting a lifestyle rich in material possessions because we believe this is what we need to impress others. Then, when we hit our thirties, we’re only deemed successful if we have a demanding career, own a house and are married with children.
Unfortunately, this one-size-fits-all (and slightly warped) version of success is keeping many of us stuck in a life we don’t want. This was definitely me for a good chunk of my twenties before I decided to take action and change things.
But what I’ve realised over the last few years is that success is unique to you. Not what the world and people around you say it is.
When you are unclear about your own definition of success, it’s easy to get caught up in other people’s expectations and make decisions based on what you think you “should” be doing rather than what you actually want to be doing.
Feeling confident about your future (and path) comes down to reframing your thoughts around success.
Use these prompts:
- When was the last time you felt successful? What contributed to these feelings?
- What else makes you feel accomplished? Is this true for you or someone else’s belief?
- What drives and excites you to wake up? How can you add more of this to your lifestyle now?
- What brings real fulfilment into your life? How can you add more of this into your life now?
- What does your ideal future look like? How can you make that happen?
“The heaviness of success-chasing can be replaced with a serendipitous lightness when you recognise that the only rules and limits are those we set ourselves.”
Tim Ferriss
2 | Figure out your core values
Ok, so now that you’ve reframed what success means to you, it’s now time to be honest with yourself about the life you actually want.
Is the 9-to-5 really for you? Are you on the right path? Do you need more than a cubicle to feel fulfilled?
There are so many questions to answer, but let me guess: not enough people in your life will sit down with you and help you figure this out.
Well, lucky for you, there is a simple exercise you can do on your own without leaving the couch.
And it’s called mapping out your core values.
Here’s my TL;DR version…
Core values are your fundamental beliefs. They are what guide your behaviours, decisions, goals and actions (basically like a compass). When you know your real values, you can follow the path that was meant for you, not expected of you
But heads up — figuring out what your core values are could lead to an awkward chat with your boss. They’re what took me away from a toxic job and towards my ideal lifestyle of travelling the world. So, good luck!
Here’s what to do:
- Reflect on your most rewarding, satisfying and fulfilling moments
- Identify the values that were present during these moments and still resonate with you now
- Get clear on what other values align with the life you want (use this epic list to help you with this)
- Compare each value on your list to find out which ones are the most important
- Choose your top 5 core values (and keep them somewhere safe; we’ll be using them later)
3 | Get clear on your dream life
To use lifestyle design to its full potential, you need to establish what your dream life looks like.
Although you’ve reframed success and mapped out your core values, you still need to know what you’re working towards.
And this comes down to having a crystal clear vision.
If done correctly, your vision will highlight everything you desire and what you want to achieve. But it’s more than just a set of goals.
It’s a roadmap for designing the ambitious life you deserve. And one that will give you the motivation you need to turn your wildest dreams into reality.
Use these prompts:
- What are your ultimate dreams in life?
- When you picture your current future self, what do you see? Is this what you truly want?
- What does your dream future self look like?
- Describe your ideal day from start to finish
- What does a fulfilling life look like to you? How can you make this happen?
- How do you want to be remembered?
4 | Set value-driven goals
Hands up if you constantly compare yourself to travel influencers online and people living their “best” lives. Or you regularly question why you haven’t got your shit together yet, especially after reading Forbes’ 30 Under 30 list.
The truth is, you’re not the problem. Your goals are.
You’ve fallen into the trap of setting goals you think you “should” achieve and wonder why you still feel empty inside, rather than going after goals that will make you feel worthy. Instead of designing the life you want, you’re building a life that is expected of you.
But don’t worry, it’s not too late to turn things around. You just need to hit the reset button and set new, meaningful goals. Ones that will actually set your soul on fire
I like to call this part life design for the next phase of your journey.
Here’s what to do next:
- Grab your 5 core values from the list above
- Set 1-2 goals that are driven by each of your core values
- Answer this question: “What is the positive impact on each of my values if I achieve this goal?”
- If you can’t think of anything, then adjust your goal until it aligns with your core values
- Break down your goals into smaller monthly or weekly actions
“If you want to be happy, set a goal that commands your thoughts, liberates your energy and inspires your hopes.”
Andrew Carnegie
5 | Take action towards the life you want
FYI — This blog is 100% manifestation-free.
That means, once you’ve mapped out your vision and got clear on what you want in life, you need to actually take action. You can’t just expect the Universe to do it for you.
Manifestation is not a replacement for doing the work needed to reach your goals.
You are the only one in control of making your wildest dreams come true.
You are the only one who can put in the work to make it happen.
So, take action. Every. Single. Day.
Here’s how:
- Figure out what changes you need to make to move towards your dream lifestyle
- Break these goals down into digestible steps
- Take aligned action every single day, no matter how big or small
- Adopt habits that align with the ideal version of yourself and your lifestyle
- Celebrate your wins to stay motivated
Save this mini-guide on Pinterest:
Want to dig a little deeper?
You know I love a good journaling session! It’s what I turn to the most whenever I need clarity on moving forward.
So if you want to dive a little deeper into lifestyle design, choose 2-3 of the below journal prompts and add them to your morning routine.
- What does my ideal but realistic lifestyle look like?
- If I could change just one aspect of my current lifestyle, what would it be? How will this impact my life?
- What are my top 3 goals for the next season? How do they align with my desired lifestyle?
- What are my top 3-5 priorities right now?
- How do I currently spend my time?
- What changes can I make to realign with my priorities?
- What activities or hobbies bring me the most joy? How can I incorporate them into my daily life?
- What does a healthy work-life balance look like to me? How can I design a lifestyle that reflects this?
- What does freedom mean to me? What steps can I take to move towards this?
- How do I define success in my career and personal life?
- What is my ideal work environment? How can I create or find it?
- What skills or strengths do I need to build to support my dream lifestyle?
- How can I align my current lifestyle to my dream vision?
- What habits do I need to build to support the lifestyle I want to create?
- What does true fulfilment look like to me? How can I start achieving this in everyday life?
Final thoughts
I’ve been living life on my terms for the past 6-ish years.
This has meant breaking free of societal expectations, setting my own rules and building a freedom-based lifestyle.
I’m a big believer in not following anyone else’s footsteps but creating your own path in life. And that’s exactly what I’ve done. In 2017, I quit my soul-sucking job (despite what everyone around me was thinking) and have been travelling the world ever since.
I’ve designed a life that aligns with my core values, meaning I get to wake up to my dream life. Every. Single. Day. And if I can do it, you can 100% do it too.
Remember, you are the creator of your own reality and, ultimately, inner peace.
Don’t just let life happen to you.
Take control today and design a life that sets your soul on fire.
You’ve got this.
Thalia xx
