Self-Sabotage: How To Stop Holding Yourself Back From Reaching Your Goals

Wanna know what I hate most about personal growth?

The self-sabotage that comes with it.

I’m currently going through some BIG changes — both professionally and personally.

This upgrade has been making me question the way I’ve been doing things, challenging me to improve and forcing me to dig deep and think about the future of my business.

It’s been scary and eye-opening all at the same time.

And like many of us, when I’m faced with overwhelming growth, I like to retreat back to my comfort zone rather than accept discomfort and uncertainty.

But what I always come to realise is that the only thing standing in my way from bigger, better things is me.

So, as always, it’s time to take responsibility for my actions and confront my resistance head-on.

Here’s everything you need to know about self-sabotage and how to stop holding yourself back from going after your wildest dreams.

P.S. If you’re new here, hey! I’m Thalia. I help burnt-out girlies like you build a life that’s aligned, magnetic, and unapologetically yours. Every week(ish), I share content on burnout recovery, self-development, finding joy, and career growth. Subscribe here so you never miss a debrief.

TL;DR: What is self-sabotage?

Self-sabotage refers to unconscious behaviours or thoughts that hold us back from our innermost needs.

Actions like procrastination, negative self-talk and avoiding opportunities, often rooted in fear or judgment, are all signs of self-sabotage.

It’s these behaviours that create deep, mental barriers, stopping us from going after our dreams and achieving our full potential.

And so we stay stuck and unfulfilled.

The good news — overcoming self-sabotage is within your reach.

To get out of this cycle of self-sabotage, you need to recognise your own self-sabotaging patterns and develop tools to overcome them.

Of course, this all comes down to doing the inner work and cultivating a resilient mindset.

“To truly heal, you are going to have to change the way you think. You are going to have to become very conscious of negative and false beliefs and start shifting to a mindset that actually serves you.”

Brianna Wiest

Signs of self-sabotage

Self-sabotage can manifest in many different ways, meaning that we will all experience it differently.

For me, self-sabotage looks like:

• Perfectionism
• Downplaying my wins
• Resistance
• Fear of failing
• Guilt of succeeding
• Worrying about irrational fears
• Comparing myself to others
• Waiting for an excuse to prove myself wrong

But it can also look like:

• Slipping back into unhealthy habits
• Being busy
• Spending time with the wrong people
• Disorganisation
• Attaching yourself to a life you don’t really want

If you’re experiencing one or more of the above self-sabotaging behaviours, I want you to know that you’re not alone. There are a lot of other women out there who are also going through what you’re going through.

I was one of those women. But I managed to overcome the obstacles I was facing.

And it all started with these 5 essential practices…

5 ways to overcome self-sabotage

There are plenty of ways to overcome self-sabotage. Below are the essential practices that worked for me. I share them in the hope that they will inspire or help you in some way.

Just be aware that what works for me might not work for you. I encourage you to find your own unique approach.

And don’t forget to bookmark this page so you can come back to it whenever you need to.

Personal development is not a check box item.

It is a life-long journey, and chances are you’ll stumble across new self-sabotaging habits as you continue to evolve and grow.

Stay aware, do the work and keep pushing forward. You’ve got this!

P.S. I encourage you to save this post (like now!!) so you can come back to it whenever you need to.

1 | Gain awareness

The first step to overcoming self-sabotage is gaining awareness. Because let’s face it — you can’t change what you don’t know.

Start by paying attention to your thoughts and actions without being too hard on yourself. (Journaling is a great tool for this — more on this below.)

Notice when you delay tasks, tell yourself mean things, or say “no” to great opportunities because they scare you. Then, ask yourself, “Why am I acting this way? What is stopping me from doing XYZ?”

It’s likely there’s a fear or belief hiding behind it, and gaining self-awareness helps you uncover it.

Self-awareness is empowering because it puts you back in control.

When you understand your triggers, you can start to change the way you react to things and make intentional decisions.

Action steps:

• Read The Mountain Is You by Brianna Wiest
• Dive deep into what is currently working and what is not
• Start journaling
• Reflect on past experiences to identify patterns of self-sabotage
• Practice mindfulness or meditation to stay present and aware of your thoughts and feelings

2 | Journal

Journaling is one of those simple practices that has powerful results.

It helps you make sense of your thoughts and feelings while giving you the space to open up without judgment. Think of it as having a conversation with yourself, where you can safely explore your fears and doubts.

Start by writing about your goals, challenges, and wins.

Be honest, and don’t hold back your true thoughts. Over time, you’ll start to identify patterns that reveal where you’re holding yourself back.

Or, if you want more immediate results, journal it out.

One of my self-sabotaging behaviours is fear. This fear manifests as inaction, procrastination, and resistance. To uncover the root cause of this fear, I turn to journaling.

I first identify the initial obstacle, then dig deeper.

I repeatedly ask myself, “And then what would happen?” until I get to the core issue behind my fear.

From there, I can come up with a solution rather than continue to cover it up and hold myself back.

Action steps:

• Build a daily journaling habit, even if it’s just for 5 minutes
• Write freely without worrying about grammar or spelling
• Use journal prompts to dig deeper into your fears and doubts
• Review your journal entries weekly to identify similar patterns
• Set specific goals based on your notes to overcome self-sabotage

3 | Challenge your beliefs

Self-sabotage is often talked about as something we do on purpose to hurt ourselves.

But what if we looked at it differently?

What if we reframed self-sabotage as a way of protecting ourselves from change and discomfort?

Instead of feeling bad about the fact that we self-sabotage, we can see it as our mind’s way of trying to keep us safe. Understanding this can help us figure out why we do it and find better ways to deal with it.

For example, instead of viewing procrastination as a problem, see it as a sign that something isn’t right and needs your attention. If you’re avoiding a task, maybe it’s a signal to outsource it to someone else. Or if you keep pushing back a goal, perhaps you need to reevaluate whether you actually want to achieve it.

Instead of seeing challenges as threats, view them as opportunities to learn and grow.

But don’t stop there.

Question the beliefs that trigger your self-sabotage. Are they based on real evidence or just assumptions? Start replacing negative self-talk with empowering affirmations.

For example, change “I can’t do this” to “I am capable of overcoming challenges.” This shift in perspective can help you build resilience and stay motivated, even when things get tough.

Action steps:

• Identify a self-sabotaging belief and write it down
• Find reasons or evidence why this belief isn’t true
• Replace this negative belief with a positive affirmation
• Repeat your new affirmation daily to rewire your thinking patterns
• Reflect on how changing this belief impacts your actions

4 | Lean into your strengths

Two of my favourite quotes by Rumi are:

“Look inside yourself; everything that you want, you already are.”

“You wander from room to room, hunting for the diamond necklace that is already around your neck.”

These quotes remind me that I am already capable of greatness. They help me realise that I don’t need to rely on anyone else or a future version of me to make my life better.

Everything I want to achieve is within my reach right now.

Personal development is often misunderstood as a way to become someone else. We adopt new habits, develop new skills, change jobs, or move country in the hope that these things will make us better and happier. But what I’ve realised over the last year, and what these quotes reveal, is that true growth comes from within.

You don’t need to learn more skills or strengths; you already have what you need to stop holding yourself back. And this comes down to you recognising what you already possess.

So, instead of reading yet another personal development book, trying out another trend, or turning to manifestation in the hope that things will suddenly click for you, stop searching.

Lean into who you are and what you already have — your strengths, skills and unique qualities. Let those things guide you towards where you want to be.

Action steps:

• Reflect and identify your key strengths and skills
• Find ways to incorporate these strengths into your daily life
• Celebrate your wins
• Set goals that align with your strengths
• Download this app and listen to Activations™

5 | Work with a coach

For a good 2 years before Notes by Thalia was born, I always had this inkling to start a blog. I wanted to share moments from my journey, but lacked the self-belief and confidence I needed to make it happen.

Fear, judgment, and self-doubt were all holding me back from what I truly wanted to achieve.

But working with someone who understood my feelings was a game-changer.

They personally helped me to overcome my self-sabotaging behaviours with simple but powerful mindset shifts so I could finally move forward.

Even now, I continue to work with a coach — both private and group mentoring as I learn to navigate a new era in my life and business.

And it has been invaluable.

Working with a coach to help you overcome self-sabotage can make the entire process less lonely while also empowering you to confidently go after your wildest dreams.

A coach can help you identify your self-sabotaging patterns, set realistic goals and hold you accountable. They can offer an outside perspective and can provide you with tools and strategies that you might not have considered.

Investing in yourself by working with a coach can up-level your growth and help you break through barriers more quickly.

Action steps:

• Book a 90-minute blueprint call to kick things off
• Add the date and time to your calendar
• Write down your top 3 goals and bring them to our call
• Start thinking about your BIG dreams in life
• Come prepared with a stable wifi connection, a notebook and a pen

Save this mini-guide on Pinterest

Final thoughts

So there you have it… 5 ways to overcome self-sabotage that could make all the difference to you going after your goals.

I encourage you to bookmark this post so you can refer back to it whenever you need to.

Remember, personal development is a journey, not a destination.

Yes, self-sabotage might always be there. But it doesn’t always have to control you. It’s about finding those practices that will allow you to overcome it and go after what you truly desire.

Be patient with yourself and celebrate each and every win, no matter how small.

You are more than capable of going after your wildest dreams. Keep pushing forward, and you will get there. I promise.

You’ve got this,

Thalia xx