Do you ever feel like you’re walking through life without any direction or meaning?
You’ve gone from school to university to a full-time career without ever questioning if that’s something you truly want.
You’ve outgrown the monotony of daily life, but stay stuck and unfulfilled because you’re told that’s the norm.
You’ve held yourself back from your dreams because of societal pressures and self-doubt.
Then, all of a sudden, you’re nearing your 30s and wondering, “What the hell am I doing with my life?”
You can’t help but think you are:
- Behind in life
- On the wrong path
- Missing out on life beyond work
- Not living up to expectations
- Lost and confused
Sound familiar? I know this because I’ve been there.
When I was 27, I had a huge realisation. (It’s not a coincidence that this was around the same time as my Saturn Return.)
The thought of working in an office job for the next forty or so years scared me. I began to question whether that was really the life I wanted for myself.
After a lot of deep reflection and inner work, I realised that I was living a life based on social norms and expectations. No wonder I wasn’t happy! So I chose to break free and create the life I actually wanted for myself.
Here’s the exact 5-part framework I used to figure out what to do with my life. I strongly encourage you to bookmark this page so you can refer back to it whenever you need to.
P.S. If you’re new here, hey! I’m Thalia. I help burnt-out girlies in their 30s unf*ck their life through 1:1 coaching and self-paced tools. Every week(ish), I share content on burnout recovery, self-development, finding joy, and career growth. Subscribe here so you never miss a debrief.
Signs you’re stuck in an unfulfilling life
Every Sunday during my 9-to-5 era, I would hide under the covers watching Sex and The City, wishing away my hangover and fantasising about white sandy beaches with crystal blue waters.
The truth was — I was extremely burnt out. Not just from my job but also from an unhealthy lifestyle. I felt unsatisfied in multiple areas of my life, lacked fulfilment and had zero confidence about my future.
I assumed this was just what being in your late twenties was all about. Turns out, my gut was trying to tell me that I needed to make a change. I just didn’t know it yet.
I was also struggling with:
- Low moods and always waking up in a funk (especially on a Monday morning)
- Overwhelm and anxious thoughts
- Clock-watching
- Lack of energy and enthusiasm for the day ahead
- Excessive drinking to escape my current reality
- Comparing myself to others on social media
- Having zero purpose or direction
- Low confidence
If you’re currently experiencing one or more of these issues, I want you to know that you’re not alone. There are a lot of other women in their late twenties and early thirties who feel the same way.
I was one of those women. And for a long time, I didn’t know what I should do with my life. But I managed to overcome the obstacles that I was facing.
The first step… doing the inner work.
It all starts with mindset
Your mindset is the foundation for optimising your entire life.
From your work to your personal life, relationships, appearance, physical health and happiness. Without the support of a resilient and positive mindset, everything else will not function as best it can. You will simply crumble under the pressure of life’s challenges.
Your mindset is what pushes you out of your comfort zone and influences every step you take towards figuring out what you want to do with your life.
I honestly wouldn’t be here* if I hadn’t worked internally on my mindset for the last 6 or so years. (By here, I mean nomading around Southeast Asia as I write this.)
During my twenties, my self-belief was nonexistent.
I had low self-esteem and would turn to alcohol to give me the confidence I needed to feel validated.
I’d spend thousands of dollars on clothes because I believed material possessions would make me feel fulfilled.
I’d post sexy pictures on Instagram and cling to the buzz that the “likes” would give me.
But those things only made me feel worse about myself.
It was only when I stopped trying to impress others and started to lean into my true self (more on this in step 5) that things finally changed for me.
I now no longer look for external validation and instead prioritise self-love and inner acceptance.
Working on my mindset was the key. It gave me the self-belief I needed to go after my wildest dreams.
No matter how tempting it is to quit your 9 to 5 and follow your dreams, you need to do the inner mindset work first. Because let me tell you, going against the norm is not as easy as it looks.
You need to have the clarity and confidence it takes to stop questioning your decisions. You need to have the courage and resilience it takes to tackle any obstacles or setbacks that come your way. You need to have belief in yourself to make it happen.
And this all starts with mindset. So do not skip this step!
Action steps:
- Practice daily gratitude
- Challenge negative thoughts and beliefs
- Dedicate time to self-care
- Surround yourself with positive influences
- Celebrate your wins no matter how small
Your 5-part framework for figuring out what to do with your life
I just want to begin by saying it’s 100% normal not to have it all figured out yet.
Some things will be easier to figure out, other things will take a while. But with a little bit of guidance, you can overcome your current “life rut” and get back on the right path.
Here is your 5-part framework for figuring out what you should do with your life in your 30s.
I encourage you to bookmark this page so you can come back to it whenever you need to. Because nothing is ever set in stone. Things will change as you evolve, and so will your goals and vision.
It’s up to you to keep checking back in with yourself to make sure you’re prioritising your own happiness and doing what makes you feel alive.
You’ve got this.
1 | Check in with your current reality
Before you can begin to figure out what to do with your life, you first need to get clear on what you don’t like about your life.
Because, let’s be honest — yes, there might be certain areas you’re unsatisfied with, but there might still be aspects you’re happy with.
Taking a moment to check in with your current reality allows you to identify what’s working and what’s not.
By diving into your current reality, you can start to pinpoint the areas of your life that need attention and create a focused plan to address them. The below exercise will help you gain clarity and set you up to make intentional changes.
I like to call this the wheel of life self-coaching tool.
Action steps:
- Draw a circle on a piece of paper and split it up into 8-12 equal sections
- Write an important area of your life in each section
- Go through each area and ask yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 how satisfied you are
- Reflect on the areas with your highest scores
- Looking at your lowest scores, choose an area to work on
2 | Define what success looks like to you
If you want to figure out what you should really do with your life, then you need to shift your beliefs and thinking.
Especially around success.
From a young age, we’re taught that money and appearance dictate success. As teens and young adults, we chase a lifestyle rich in material possessions to impress others. By our thirties, success is often seen as having a demanding career, owning a house, and being married with children.
Unfortunately, this one-size-fits-all version of success keeps many of us stuck in a life we don’t want.
This was definitely me for a good chunk of my twenties before I decided to make a change. And what I’ve realised since making that change is that success is unique to you. Not what others say it is.
When you’re unclear about your own definition of success, it’s easy to get caught up in other people’s expectations and make choices based on what you think you “should” be doing with your life rather than what you actually want.
Feeling confident about your future (and path) comes down to reframing your thoughts around success.
Action steps:
- Reflect on the last time you felt successful. What contributed to these feelings?
- List others that make you feel truly accomplished
- Identify what drives you and excites you to wake up
- Map out what brings you real joy, meaning and fulfilment
- Visualise your ideal future self. How are they successful?
3 | Align with your core values
The biggest reason why you’re unsure about what to do with your life is because you don’t know what you value most in life.
You’ve followed a path that is expected of you or have even been influenced by others and you’re now beginning to realise that it’s not what you actually want.
So, get back on the right path by getting clear on what your core values are.
Your core values are your fundamental beliefs. They are what guide your behaviours, decisions, actions and goals.
Think of them like a compass. When you know what your personal values are, you can give more meaning to your life.
If you haven’t done this exercise with me yet, I 100% suggest doing it now and following along with this step-by-step breakdown.
Action steps:
- Reflect on your most rewarding, satisfying and fulfilling moments
- Identify the values that were present within these moments and write them down
- Continue to add to your list until you have 10-15 values that all resonate with you
- Narrow down your master list to just 5 core values
- Use this workbook to help you apply your values to your life to bridge to the gaps
4 | Find your Ikigai (aka your life’s purpose)
Ikigai, meaning ‘reason for being’ is an ancient Japanese philosophy that helps you discover your life’s purpose.
It involves identifying the intersection between four parts:
- What you love — your passion and mission
- What you’re good at — your passion and profession
- What the world needs — your mission and vocation
- What you can be paid for — your profession and vocation
When you find your Ikigai, you have essentially found your “bliss” leading to a life of deep satisfaction and fulfilment. You are inspired to get out of bed every day as you are pursuing activities that truly resonate with your inner self.
So when you reach a period of not knowing what to do with your life, you may find comfort in exploring your Ikigai and finding out what your true purpose is.
Action steps:
- Brainstorm the things you love and what brings you joy
- Identify your natural strengths, skills and talents
- Explore how your skills can meet the needs of the world
- Look into job or work opportunities that align with your passions and skills
- Find the sweet spot (Ikigai) between your passion, profession, mission and vocation
5 | Reconnect with who you truly are
Out of all the steps I took to change my life, learning to love myself has by far been my greatest ever achievement.
It was the key to figuring out what I truly wanted to achieve in life.
Reconnecting with who you truly are involves peeling back the layers of external expectations and getting to know your authentic self. And up until my 27th birthday, I had no clue who that person was.
I put on a persona (a very drunk one) to get people to like me, wore clothes that others told me looked good, and stopped listening to Taylor Swift because someone told me she was uncool.
In short, I was a “pathological people-pleaser” who chose to listen to others over her own heart.
It wasn’t until I hit rock bottom at some point during a work trip to New York that I decided things needed to seriously change.
And this all came down to shifting my mindset and prioritising self-acceptance.
Finding self-love helped me to:
- Gain a greater sense of who I was
- Rediscover my passions and hobbies
- Learn to appreciate my own company
- Get super comfortable being by myself in silence
- Become my own best friend
But most importantly, it gave me the confidence and self-belief I needed to go after my wildest dreams.
And that’s exactly what I want for you.
Action steps:
- Journal to find out who you are with these self-discovery prompts
- Spend time by yourself with zero distractions — embrace the discomfort
- Lean into what you already have (aka your strengths, skills and unique qualities)
- Replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations
- Get comfortable looking at your naked body
Save this mini-guide on Pinterest for later:
Final thoughts
Truth bomb: I still have moments where I wonder what I’m doing with my life.
Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love the lifestyle I’ve created for myself.
I quit my toxic job when I was 27 to travel solo across Southeast Asia and have since built a digital nomad lifestyle, which looks like hopping from country to country every month rather than settling for the 9-to-5 routine.
But when my friends and family question my choices and ask, “When are you going to return to the UK and settle down?” I do sometimes begin to worry whether I’ve actually made the right decisions.
I mean, wouldn’t life have been easier if I had done what was expected of me?
Luckily, these thoughts don’t last for long because I know in my heart that I’m on the right path. Having spent the majority of my life directionless and feeling lost, I now have a purpose.
One that fuels me daily and excites me to wake up every single day. I now live and breathe my version of success, core values and Ikigai as they are the foundation of the life I have created for myself.
So, whatever path you choose to take in life, make sure it’s in alignment with what you truly want.
Don’t be influenced by what the social norms say you “should” be doing. Do what makes you feel alive, and never settle for anything less.
And don’t let anyone stand in your way.
You are more than capable of anything you put your mind to. So take this as your sign to go after your wildest dreams.
You’ve got this,
Thalia xx
