I’m all for living life on your own terms.
To let go of what we “should” be doing in favour of what we want to be doing.
So, if you currently feel stuck and unsure how to map out a life you truly want, let me introduce you to core values.
Core values are your fundamental beliefs, and they will guide you towards a more fulfilling and meaningful life.
Here’s everything you need to know to make magic happen.
P.S. If you’re new here, hey! I’m Thalia. I help burnt-out girlies in their 30s unf*ck their life through 1:1 coaching and self-paced tools. Every week(ish), I share content on burnout recovery, self-development, finding joy, and career growth. Subscribe here so you never miss a debrief.
Create a life you love
A few years ago, I set the goal to pursue a master’s degree in Psychology.
I believed that this was what I needed to do to prove to my friends and family that I was smart.
I hadn’t yet broken through some mindset issues and still looked to others to give me validation and a sense of self-worth.
Looking back, this goal was entirely based on how I wanted others to perceive me and not on what I truly wanted. And because it wasn’t a goal that I wholeheartedly wanted to achieve, I lacked the motivation and incentive to start working towards this goal, and eventually, it bumped further and further down my list of goals.
To try and create some excitement around the goal and motivate me to start, I decided to tell my mum about it, and her response was, “Your brothers will be so proud of you.”
Ironically, it was those words that motivated me to quit the goal.
Because I realised that being true to myself was far more important than anyone else’s validation or seal of approval.
Why should it really matter if people are proud of you or not? You are the one that gets to live your life, not them. And life is too short to waste it on pleasing others.
What are core values?
Core values are your fundamental beliefs.
They are the things that are most important to you and guide your behaviours, decisions, and actions.
When you know what your personal core values are, you can give more meaning to your life.
For example, there’s no point in working 18 hours a day, being constantly busy and hustling your way through life if one of your core values is “balance.” If another one of your values is ”adventure”, but you stay in the same place year in and year out and don’t make any changes, then you’re not going to go anywhere.
You need to know what you are working towards, and your core values help you find that purpose.
A purpose that is your “guiding principle and highest priority.” (Ryan Holiday)
Once you have mapped out your core values, you can then set goals, make decisions and take action based on these values.
You will also be able to live each day with more intention and fulfilment.
Which, in my opinion, leads to a greater sense of self-worth and happiness.
So, do not skip this step!
Prefer to watch and listen? I’ve got you.
Hit play on my latest YouTube video and follow along as I walk you through my step-by-step framework for figuring out your core values. Don’t forget to bring your journal, as you’re 100% going to want to take notes.
Benefits of knowing your core values
Knowing your personal core values can greatly assist you in setting achievable goals, making daily decisions and taking action based on what is most important to you.
This, in turn, can lead to a more authentic and fulfilling life. When you set goals that align with your core values, you are more likely to be motivated to achieve them. If your goals are not in line with your values, you may find it difficult to stay committed.
For example, if one of your goals is to get married one day but “family” and “love” aren’t one of your core values, then you might need to re-evaluate the goal and ask yourself if it is something you truly want.
Even when you’re faced with challenges and obstacles, staying true to your values can help you to navigate through them more easily.
Other benefits for mapping out your core values include:
- Find your purpose and direction
- Live a more authentic life
- Make better decisions
- Reduce stress and anxiety, especially when you feel conflicted
- Set and achieve meaningful goals
- Increase your motivation and commitment to your goals
- Improve relationships with others
- Enhance self-awareness and personal growth
- Experience a greater sense of joy and fulfilment
How to map out your values
It’s important to note that certain core values may change over time.
If, like me, you’re on a lifelong self-discovery journey, then you will grow and evolve over time.
And so will your purpose and goals in life.
When I was in my early twenties, drinking my way through London, I didn’t care about personal growth. I just wanted to party. (My core value was probably “fun” at this point.)
Now, at 32, I’m super clear on my core values and love reading them out loud every morning. But I’m sure that once I’m in my late sixties, some of my core values may again be different.
For that reason, I encourage you to bookmark this page so you can refer back to it whenever you need to.
You never know when you’ll need to reassess and realign with your core values.
1 | Figure out what is important to you
To identify your core values, the first step is to figure out what is truly important to you.
Start by reflecting on the moments in your life that felt the most rewarding, satisfying and fulfilling or even when you were at your happiest.
- What were you doing?
- Who were you with?
- What else contributed to these feelings?
- What did you learn about yourself from this experience?
- How did you feel after it was over?
Have a brain-dump session where you write everything down on a piece of paper.
There are no limits to this initial step, so feel free to let loose.
2 | Identify the core values that resonate with you
During this journaling exercise, start to identify what values were present within these moments.
For example, one of my most rewarding and fulfilling moments was when I climbed to Everest Base Camp in May 2018.
The values that were present with me on this journey were achievement, adventure, challenge, courage and determination, just to name a few.
Some of these values still resonate with me now but most of them do not.
Once you identify a value that still resonates with you, write it down on a separate piece of paper.
Continue this exercise until you’ve reflected on all of your most fulfilling or rewarding moments and have a list of around 10-15 core values that all still resonate with you.
3 | Narrow down your list into 5 core values
Now for the challenging part!
Once you have your list of 10-15 (or more) personal core values, it’s now time to narrow them down to just 5.
Why only 5 core values?
Because if everything is a core value, “then nothing is really a priority.” (James Clear)
To narrow down your list, compare each core value until you can come up with your top 5.
For example, say your list looked a little like this:
- Adventure
- Community
- Family
- Friendships
- Health
- Integrity
- Joy
- Kindness
- Knowledge
- Leadership
- Love
- Spirituality
- Wealth
You would need to compare “adventure” with every other core value that follows it by asking yourself which value is more important.
If “adventure” is more important to you than “community”, it gets a tally mark.
If “family” is more important to you than “adventure”, then that value would get the Tally mark.
So work down your list until you have a completed tally chart. The words with the most amount of tally marks next to them are your top 5 core values.
Write them down in your notebook, journal or Notion board and remind yourself of them every day.
4 | Break your core values down into specific values
There are 2 types of values.
- Core values
- Specific values
Core values apply to your whole life, so they are usually quite broad.
For example, some typical core values are health, family, happiness, growth and freedom.
Specific values, on the other hand, are context-related and can be applied to a particular area of our life.
If one of your core values is “health”, you would want to break this value down into 8 smaller areas (e.g. sleep, nutrition, exercise, etc.) so you know what to prioritise as well as where to put your time and attention.
To figure out your specific values, ask yourself these questions:
- What is important to me about this value?
- Why is this important to me?
- What else is important to me about this value?
- Why is this important to me?
Continue to use these questions until you have come up with at least 8-10 specific values.
When you’re figuring out your specific values, look out for an emotional connection to your answers. It’s this emotional connection that can act as a motivator when you are pursuing your goals and give you more of a reason to care about them.
N.B. Core values mean something different to everyone, so don’t let others help or influence you when breaking them down into specific areas
5 | Set value-driven goals
One of the main reasons why people fail to reach their goals is that they are setting the wrong goals.
Remember earlier when I told you that I set the goal of doing an MA in Psychology but lacked the motivation and commitment to get started?
It’s because the goal did not align with or even satisfy my core values.
So I can’t stress enough how important it is to set the right goals. Don’t just set goals you think you “should” achieve because society tells you it’s the norm. If a goal is not something that you truly want, you won’t be able to progress towards it or even reach it.
Use your 5 core values and 8-10 specific values to help guide you towards goals that come from the heart.
It’s these value-driven goals that will serve as your roadmap towards creating a life you truly want.
A life that gives you purpose and makes you excited to wake up.
It’s not enough to lie in your bed, manifesting your dreams, in the hope that they will one day come true. You need to take action, and this all starts with getting clear on your core values.
Final thoughts
One of my recent assignments for my health coaching course required me to map out my own core values and reflect on the process. This was something I had done before, but not to this extent. So instead of pulling words out of my arse because I thought they sounded good, I actually sat down and thought about it.
The process took me nearly a whole day. I had a list of 10 values which I needed to narrow down.
I sat there for hours, going through each one using the same process as I noted down above until I had just 5 core values. I won’t share them with you as they remain personal to me, but since becoming clear on my 5 core values, I’ve felt even more grounded within myself.
For the past 5 years, I’ve been on a self-discovery journey, which has recently led me to become a digital nomad.
When so many of your friends and family question your choices and ask, “When are you going to return to the UK and settle down?” You begin to question your own lifestyle and whether you are actually making the right decisions.
But getting clear on what is most important to me has solidified that how I currently choose to live is in alignment with my core values.
Having spent the majority of my life directionless and feeling lost, I now have a purpose that fuels me daily and excites me to wake up every morning. I now live and breathe my core values as they are the foundation of the life I have created for myself.
So, whatever path you choose to take in life, make sure it’s in alignment with your core values.
Don’t be influenced by what the social norms say you “should” be doing.
Create the life YOU want to live.
And don’t let anyone stand in your way.
You’ve got this.
Thalia xx
