Your fave anti-burnout girlie is currently on a mini-moon in the Greek islands as she writes this.
Yes, we got married!!! Woo!
To catch you up, I got engaged way back in 2020. Which feels like forever ago now, I know!!
But this was during Covid, and the last thing my mental health needed was to start planning a wedding. Growing an online business became my next priority, and then, I left the UK, making things a little bit more complicated.
Plus, pressure from Greek relatives asking about kids every 5 minutes didn’t help matters.
So yes, it took me and my husband a while to finally say, “I do”, but this summer, we made it happen. On our terms.
And this really got me thinking because a 5-year engagement is really unheard of — it’s not really the done thing. People usually get engaged and then a year or two later, they’re married. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with this, but I think it’s time we normalise doing things a little differently.
On our own timeline.
I mean, don’t you find it wild how so many of our BIG milestones are basically dictated to us by everyone else?
Even now, at 35, I still have moments where I’m like… am I doing life all wrong?
Whether it’s family, friends, social media, or Netflix, I’m constantly being reminded that I “should” have at least 2 kids by now, be living in my forever home and be making about 100k a year.
But this couldn’t be further from my truth because I didn’t choose a “conventional” path.
I’ve chosen to live a nomadic life. I travel from place to place every few months, I live out of a suitcase, and my lifestyle is nothing like what my friends back home are doing.
Yes, it’s exhausting at times. Yes, I still freak out. Yes, sometimes I crave stability and my own space. But this is my dream, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Seriously, for me, the idea of moving back to the UK, settling down in the countryside, and following everyone else’s footsteps feels scarier than booking a one-way flight with no plan.
I’ve accepted that I’m not your “typical” 35-year-old woman. And I’m okay with that. Because I’m building a life I’m proud of — one that I absolutely love waking up to.
So, I kinda went on a cathartic journey during my mini-moon on why so many women are feeling lost in their thirties (or late-twenties), and I’ve narrowed it down to these 5 reasons.
Buckle up… we’re going in deep!
P.S. If you’re new here, hey! I’m Thalia. I help burnt-out girlies like you build a life that’s aligned, magnetic, and unapologetically yours. Every week(ish), I share content on burnout recovery, self-development, finding joy, and career growth. Subscribe here so you never miss a debrief.
Prefer to watch and listen? I’ve got you.
Hit play on my latest YouTube video, where I break down the 5 reasons why you feel lost and EXACTLY what to do to get unstuck.
Societal expectations
Okay, so we need to talk about how exhausting it is that as soon as you hit 27, everyone suddenly has an opinion on how you should live your life.
We get overwhelmed with constant questions like:
- Why aren’t you married yet?
- Shouldn’t you be further along in your career by now?
- When are you having kids?
- Are you still single? You’d better hurry up, the clock is ticking.
I mean, I’m 35 and I still get asked when I’m going to “settle down” and buy a house.
It’s like, if you’re not ticking the “right” boxes at the “right” time, you’re somehow failing at life.
And I think this is one of the main reasons why we’re feeling lost.
We’re measuring our success against societal norms, what our parents did, and comparing ourselves to our friends, influencers online, or even characters on TV shows. (Yes, Belly got engaged before you. Let that sink in. 🙃)
When I was 27, I remember feeling like a total failure because I didn’t have a 5-year plan. All my friends were climbing the corporate ladder, talking about mortgages and marriage, meanwhile, I’d just handed in my notice at a toxic AF job and was wondering wtf I was going to do next.
Cue a heck of a lot of self-doubt and second-guessing.
But what I’ve learnt since then, after years (and I mean years!!!) of feeling behind, is that those timelines are complete and utter BS.
They’re based on what worked for previous generations, not what works for us now. Let’s face it, the world has changed, the economy has changed, and our priorities are just different now.
Once you get clear on what success looks like to you, I promise everything will start to make more sense.
How to get unstuck:
- Define your own version of success: Because it might not be a 100k per-year salary or a 2-bedroom high-rise apartment in the city
- Design your ideal day: Get super detailed here; when do you wake up, where are you, what do you do with your time, who do you hang out with, etc.
- Reflect on your life goals: Do they come from the heart, or are you chasing things you should want?
- Unfollow accounts that make you feel behind: Comparison is a waste of time, energy and joy
- Decide how you want to measure your life: Is it by how much freedom you have? How much fun you have? The impact you make?
Burnout
Alas, the next biggest culprit in making us thirty-somethings feel lost in life.
Burnout doesn’t just make you feel tired. It gives you the worst kind of brain fog to the point where you can’t think straight, and even the simplest decisions, like choosing what to have for dinner or planning your weekend, feel impossible.
When I was deep in burnout, I was constantly exhausted, no matter how much sleep I got. I’d push myself through work, then go home and rot in bed. I felt guilty for not getting more done after work, but honestly, I had no energy left for personal goals.
Even the things I used to enjoy, like fitness and hobbies, started to feel like a chore. So in the end, I didn’t bother with that either.
And that’s where burnout gets dangerous. Because it makes life feel empty — there’s no joy left.
You’re just coasting along on autopilot, doing things out of exhaustion and habit, not because you actually want to. Eventually, you lose sight of who you are, what you’re passionate about, and what you’re working towards.
How to get unstuck:
- Figure out exactly what’s causing your burnout: Is it your workload, your boss, lack of boundaries at work, or feeling stuck in the wrong role?
- Get clear on your values: Life feels more fulfilling and way less exhausting when your work, friends, and lifestyle all vibe with each other
- Challenge your beliefs: Rest is not a reward for being productive. It is essential.
- Make self-care non-negotiable: Habits, hobbies, and boundaries aren’t just a nice-to-have, they’re the non-negotiables to a healthier, happier and better you
- Rinse and repeat: Burnout recovery isn’t a one-and-done thing — it’s an ongoing practice
Living out of alignment
Without fail, I will always bring it back to values, because they’re the foundation of everything (aside from self-love, IYKYK) — at this point, they’re basically becoming my trademark.
Anyway, you need to build a career, lifestyle, and tribe that aligns with who you are and what you care most deeply about (aka your core values).
Because if you don’t, life is always going to feel like a grind.
It will always feel like something is missing, no matter how hard you try to fill the gap with a new job title, busier weekends, or more plans with people you don’t actually like.
You need to stop living life on autopilot and start living life according to your values.
For example, if you value creativity but you’re stuck in a job that requires you to do spreadsheets all day, then look for ways either within your role (or outside of it) where you can be creative.
If you value adventure but your routines are the same every single week, then ask yourself, “How can I switch them up? How can I invite more adventure into my daily life?”
If you value meaningful connection, but you’re spending time with people who don’t really get you, then find people who do. Join a club you’re passionate about and find your people. They’re out there, I promise.
How to get unstuck:
- Reflect: Think about all the times when you felt truly alive, happy and energised
- Identify the values that were present: Was it creativity, connection, freedom, helping others, etc?
- Add to your list: Continue to write down 10-15 values that deeply resonate with you
- Narrow it down to just 5 core values: These will become your guiding principles for making decisions
- Bridge the gap: Use this workbook to help you apply your values IRL
People-pleasing
People-pleasing isn’t just about saying yes to everything. It means building your entire life around what other people want, need, or expect from you.
I’m talking about the fact that you:
- Built a career based on what makes your parents proud
- Stay in friendships that drain you because you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings
- Say “yes” to extra work even when you’re at capacity
- Live where you think you “should” live, not where you actually want to be
I get that you care about your job, your colleagues, and your loved ones. I do too, but not to the extent of sacrificing my own well-being.
I used to be the queen of people-pleasing.
I’d stay late at the office because I didn’t want to disappoint my boss. I’d take on extra work, even when I was at capacity, because I didn’t want to be difficult. I’d go to events that made me feel awkward and anxious just because I wanted to look cool on Instagram. I’d even choose what to wear based on what I thought other people would approve of.
The problem was that after years of living for everyone else, I woke up one day and didn’t know who I was any more.
I’d completely lost sight of myself.
Learning to set boundaries and being okay with disappointing people has been one of the hardest things I’ve done. But it’s also been THE most rewarding as it gave me my life back.
Boundaries helped take the pressure off showing up. I no longer had to perform and pretend to be someone I wasn’t in order to be liked.
I got comfortable with being my true but imperfect self in public.
When you start honouring your own time, energy and peace — when you build that self-respect — the easier it becomes to make choices that feel right for you. Because you’re not trying to impress anyone else, you’re just being your unapologetic self.
And that’s incredibly freeing.
How to get unstuck
- Understand why you say yes: Check in with yourself — are you saying yes because you want to, or because you’re afraid of letting someone down?
- Know your values: When you know what really matters to you, it becomes easier to make choices that feel aligned
- Pause before answering: You don’t have to give an answer right away. A simple “Can I get back to you?” gives you breathing space.
- Practice saying ‘no’ in the mirror: It might feel awkward at first, but saying it out loud (even to yourself) helps build confidence over time.
- Use a softer alternative: Not every no has to sound harsh. Try: “I don’t have capacity right now,” or “I’d love to help, but I can’t commit to anything extra.”
Lack of self-acceptance
I see this one A LOT with my clients, which is proof that it’s way more common than you think.
The reason why you’re feeling so lost in life right now is because you’re always chasing some “better” version of yourself
Years of gossip magazines and chick flicks tearing apart women’s bodies have subconsciously told you that you’re not skinny enough, good enough, or worthy enough. So you’re constantly striving to be better, fitter, healthier, happier, prettier… the list goes on.
But this only makes you feel even more behind.
Because even when you’ve reached your desired weight, landed your dream job, or earned your well-deserved promotion, there’s always another goal — another milestone.
Which just feeds back into the whole “why can’t I just get my shit together” narrative.
The truth is, you probably do already have it figured out; you just can’t see it yet because you’re too focused on what’s not working rather than what is.
Inner peace comes from self-acceptance.
And you cannot have self-acceptance without self-love. This really is the foundation of everything. If you don’t truly and wholeheartedly love yourself, then everything you’re doing — the healing, the mindset work, etc — is completely pointless.
You need to stop rejecting who you are underneath it all and start accepting yourself for who you are right now — even if she’s messy. I promise, you’ll feel so much more grounded and settled within yourself and know exactly what you want in life.
How to get unstuck:
- Write down one or more negative beliefs you have about yourself: Like “I’m not smart enough” or “I’m too old to start over”, “I’m not capable of this role”
- Reflect on where this belief came from: Was it your parents, school, a toxic ex, or that mean boss from five years ago?
- Challenge yourself: List all the ways this belief is not true
- Reframe each limiting belief: Turn them into an empowering statement that serves you instead of sabotages you
- Repeat this work consistently: New limiting beliefs will always pop up, but the more you practice, the easier self-acceptance becomes
Final thoughts
If you’re in your thirties and reading this, I just want you to know that you are not alone.
It’s 100% normal to not have it all figured out yet.
If the path you’re on feels draining, then sit down with a notebook and journal on it: what’s working, what’s not, what needs to change.
Don’t just ignore those feelings, hoping they will go away. Because spoiler: they won’t.
And if you’re in your mid-twenties, then I want you to know that you still have time. There’s no magical deadline that you need to hit to feel like you have it all together. It’s just a myth.
Even the girlies who do look like they have their shit together don’t. We’re all just living life for the first time and making it up as we go along.
So go at your own pace and be on your own timeline.
Life is way more exciting that way.
You’ve got this.
Thalia xx
