If you’ve been on my blog for at least a day, you’ll know that the question I get asked the most is “Should I quit my job?”
Well, the second question I get all the time is… “How do you make friends?”
Maybe it’s because I’m a digital nomad and spend my life moving from place to place, meaning I’ve had to build my circle from scratch more times than I can count. Or the fact that most of my closest friends now live in different time zones, and keeping those connections alive takes real effort.
But it just goes to show that deep down, every woman in her thirties just wants meaningful AF friendships.
We yearn for friends we can vibe with. Not just gossip and bitch with. But friends who we can feel safe around. Who we can share our deepest thoughts (or conspiracies) and messy emotions with, without judgement. To feel like we belong.
And I’m not going to lie, it’s tough.
Making friends in general is hard. But making friends that actually get you is harder.
I’m not going to pretend I have it all down to a tee or have a massive girl gang on speed dial, because I don’t. But what I do know is that you can’t attract friends who get you unless you wholeheartedly know and love yourself first.
So no, this isn’t some generic “how to make friends as an adult” post.
This is a raw and honest take on how to make real, meaningful AF friends that stick around long after your 30th birthday.
And it all comes down to building friendships that align with who you truly are and what you care most deeply about.
Let’s dive in.
P.S. If you’re new here, hey! I’m Thalia. I help burnt-out girlies in their 30s unf*ck their life through 1:1 coaching and self-paced tools. Every week(ish), I share content on burnout recovery, self-development, finding joy, and career growth. Subscribe here so you never miss a debrief.
The perks of finding girlies who get you
Part one of my anti-burnout framework focuses on finding alignment so you can build a career (and life) that feels more fulfilling and way less exhausting.
Tribe is one of the foundational pillars of alignment because I believe that true friends play such an important role in helping you stay sane, motivated and inspired, especially when shit hits the fan. (Good friends are basically self-care.)
I mean, who better to rant to than a bestie you can talk to unhinged about anything, and whose go-to solution isn’t always a glass of wine?
We’re not in our twenties anymore.
We’re not looking for friends we can party and drink with. That season has gone. We’re looking for friends we can travel with, grow old with, and be completely ourselves with.
Let me put it this way: hanging out with people you no longer vibe with can seriously drain your energy (kinda like being stuck in the wrong job).
But when you find your tribe (aka the girlies who actually get you and make you feel safe to be yourself), then everything just clicks.
Since building more aligned friendships, I’ve noticed that:
- I no longer overthink my messages anymore — I just hit send
- I’ve stopped trying to impress people who aren’t for me
- I feel more confident speaking up and sharing my truth
- I know within seconds of meeting someone whether we’ll vibe or not (I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but… it’s an energy thing.)
- I feel grounded, no matter how messy or hectic life gets
- I laugh more
- Political opinions don’t really matter; true friends will love you no matter what
- Life feels more fulfilling and just way better
How to make meaningful AF friends
I wasn’t lying when I said that this wasn’t your typical “how-to” post on making friends.
It goes so much deeper than that, and below you’ll find the exact framework that I use to find other girlies who just get me.
But because I don’t want to disappoint the algorithm, I’ve also listed 30 ideas below where you can actually meet new people and start building those real connections.
What can I say, it’s the people-pleaser in me. 🙃
Just promise me you won’t skip the first 3 steps. They’re literally the crux of making friendships that actually last.
I encourage you to save this post so you can come back to it whenever you need to.
1 | Reconnect with your values
Without fail, I will always bring it back to values.
Because they’re literally the foundation of everything (aside from self-love, IYKYK) — at this point, values are basically becoming my trademark.
You can’t build an aligned life (or make meaningful AF friends) unless you are 100% sure about who you are and what you care most deeply about.
And this starts with getting clear on your core values — aka your guiding principles, your non-negotiables, the things you truly stand for. (e.g. adventure, freedom, joy, gratitude, autonomy, health, family, etc)
For example, if you value peace but you meet someone who thrives on chaos, or if you value depth but they only want surface-level chats, you’re probably not going to vibe.
You need to find people who share similar priorities and outlook in life.
That’s how you make meaningful AF friends that will stick around long after you turn 30.
P.S. If you haven’t done this exercise with me yet, I 100% suggest doing it now and following along with this step-by-step breakdown.
2 | Get to know who you are first (aka do shit solo)
Making meaningful AF friendships comes down to not giving a fuck about what people think about you. Fact.
If you feel the need to hide the real you, dim your light to make others feel better, or filter everything you say, then you’re not being true to yourself.
You’re making friends on the premise of impressing them rather than allowing them to see the real you.
Which is just a big no-no, as maintaining those friendships can end up being extremely draining.
The only way you can stop wasting time on the wrong people is to get super clear on who you are. Your identity. Your values. Your vision. Your beliefs.
If you have zero clue what you stand for, you’ll just keep attracting people who drain your energy and make you question yourself.
Building an unshakable sense of self comes from hanging out with yourself first. Basically, getting comfortable doing things solo and enjoying your own company.
Because once you do, you’ll start learning more about yourself — what you love, what brings you joy, what triggers you, what gives you the ick, etc. You can then translate this into how you show up around new people as your true, unapologetic self.
3 | Map out boundaries (because all healthy friendships have them)
Before you start making new friends, you’ve got to know what your standards are.
Because if you don’t, it’s way too easy to fall back into old patterns — aka saying yes when you want to say no, ignoring toxic red flags, or ending up in friendships that feel more like emotional blackmail than connection.
You’ve probably been taught that putting yourself first is selfish. It’s not. It’s self-respect.
Boundaries are what protect your peace and your energy. They’re what help you build friendships that feel safe, balanced, and mutual, not one-sided.
So before you go diving into the list below and meeting new people, ask yourself:
- What do I actually need from a friendship?
- What type of friendships drain me?
- What do I no longer have space for?
- What makes me feel most seen and supported by the people around me?
- How do I want to feel after spending time with my friends?
4 | Choose 1-3 ideas from the list below
Once you’ve nailed steps one to three, you still need to actually put yourself out there and meet people.
So I’ve listed down all the ways I’ve made friends in my thirties (or know people who have made friends this way).
The list can feel slightly overwhelming, especially if you’re not used to putting yourself out there, so that’s why I suggest choosing just 1-3 ideas first and seeing what works.
Stay open-minded. Sure, you might meet people you vibe with, but they’re not always going to work out. You might love the idea you choose, like trying out a co-working space for the day, but get home and realise you didn’t speak to anyone.
And that’s completely fine.
You can’t expect to make friends for life instantly. It’s going to take time.
I’ve been doing this for the past 3 years now, and I’d say I’ve only met 5 people that I genuinely bond with and deeply care about. But that works for me.
I’m not someone who needs 12 bridesmaids. A handful of real friends with who I can be myself around is all I really need. (Probably because I nailed step two way back in my late twenties and absolutely love my own company.)
5 | Stay committed and curious
Like I said earlier, making friends in your thirties isn’t easy.
People who want to be friends with you won’t magically appear. You need to put yourself out there. You need to make an effort.
Yes, it’s going to feel hard. Yes, it’s going to feel awkward AF. Yes, it’s going to feel disheartening.
You might meet someone and think you’re instantly going to be BFFs, only to realise three weeks later you’ve both ghosted each other. It happens.
Unfortunately, that’s the reality. You can’t just give up. (I promise, it does get easier.)
My secret is to stay curious. Keep showing up. Keep saying yes, even when it feels pointless. Keep putting in the effort. Because at some point, maybe not this week, maybe not next month, you’re going to cross paths with someone who does get you.
And when it happens, it’ll feel easy. Effortless. Like, oh… this is what this is supposed to feel like.
30 ways to make friends in your 30s
- Attend a meet-up or networking event (this is how I meet the majority of people I know)
- Work from a co-working space
- Join an online membership or coaching community where the vibe already matches yours
- Become a regular somewhere, like a coffee shop, brunch spot, exercise class, or pub quiz
- Use a friendship app like Bumble BFF
- Meet strangers over dinner with Timeleft
- Host a supper club or picnic, and tell everyone you invite to bring one friend
- Go to an Olivia Dean concert solo and chat to the girlies next to you
- Join a local run club
- Say yes to random opportunities that you’d usually say no to
- Go to an in-person workout class (I’ve met a bunch of feel-good people at yoga)
- Travel solo or book onto a small group tour
- If you are travelling, stay in a hostel to instantly meet like-minded people (just read the reviews first to make sure it’s not a party hostel)
- Go on a retreat
- Ask your other friends to introduce you to their friends (this works every time for me)
- Eavesdrop on a convo that sounds interesting and join in (no jokes, this is how I met one of my best girlfriends)
- Start a group chat for something random like “girls who walk and talk” or “coffee lovers in [your city]”
- Take up a new hobby that doesn’t require you to sit at home
- Join an online book club or start your own
- Attend a language class
- Ask a colleague you vibe with to grab coffee outside of work (yes, colleagues can be great friends!!)
- Volunteer for something you actually care about
- Instagram (this is where the majority of my connections live, and sometimes the stars align and I get to meet them in IRL)
- Follow people (not literally, lol) on social media who live in your area and start commenting on their posts
- Join a local Facebook group for something you’re legit passionate about
- Slide into someone’s DMs who gives off “we’d be friends IRL” energy and make the first move
- Reconnect with an old friend you genuinely miss
- Attend a live event on something you’re interested in (comic-con, wellness workshops, motivational talks, etc.)
- Email me! (If you made it this far, we clearly have something in common 😘)
- Always smile, be friendly, say ‘hi’ first, and keep eye contact
Final thoughts
Making friends in your thirties isn’t about collecting random people. It’s about connecting with the right ones.
I’m talking about the girlies who get your sense of humour, who hype you up when you’re down, and are genuinely happy for you when you share good news.
It takes effort, patience, and a bit of putting yourself out there. I know it’s scary, but once you start meeting people who vibe with your energy and values, socialising just becomes easier.
And let’s stop blaming your younger self for struggling to make friends. It’s hard when you feel like you don’t fit in, or when friendships end, and you start wondering if it’s you.
But it’s not you. It was never you. You just hadn’t met your people yet.
You’ve got this.
Thalia xx
