By now, you’ve probably seen that viral Steven Bartlett clip:
“A couple of glasses of wine ruined three days of my life.”
And if you have, you probably jumped to the same conclusions as me — an addiction, a mental breakdown, a falling out with his fiancé.
Turns out, we were so wrong.
Two glasses of wine meant he woke up late and missed the gym, which threw off his podcast game and apparently derailed his entire week.
You can’t see me right now, but I am giving the biggest eye-roll.
And look, I’m not here to drag Steven. He’s an incredibly successful entrepreneur, so he’s clearly doing something right.
But I think this is a really important conversation to have. Because it shows just how much self-improvement has become an obsession.
We feel guilty after missing a workout.
We feel shame after an unplanned takeaway.
We feel anxious if we wake up late.
And now, we can’t even seem to enjoy a glass of wine without feeling like we’re failing at our own health.
We’ve quietly moved from hustle culture at work to hustle culture in our wellness routines, and quite frankly, it’s just as exhausting.
There’s a collective sigh forming among us burnt-out girlies whenever anyone now mentions self-optimisation, and I think I know why.
Here’s my hot take on why your wellness routine is doing more harm than good, and what to focus on instead.
P.S. If you’re new here, hey! I’m Thalia. I help burnt-out girlies like you build a life that’s aligned, magnetic, and unapologetically yours. Every week(ish), I share content on burnout recovery, self-development, finding joy, and career growth. Subscribe here so you never miss a debrief.
3 reasons why self-improvement is making you even more burnt out
Wellness was supposed to be the antidote to burnout. But now, it’s another source of it.
I know this because I’ve lived it.
When I first got into self-care, I was extremely quick to buy into the narrative of waking up at 5 am and having a 2-hour morning routine without ever questioning if this was even right for me.
I started tracking every single thing I ate like my worth depended on it, forced myself to go running even though I hated it, and bought overpriced collagen supplements because my fave influencer at the time was taking them too.
But these things never made me feel better (or happier if I’m being totally honest).
They just made me feel more overwhelmed and fed up, like my health had become yet another thing to succeed at.
Another standard to meet.
Another routine to nail.
And when I inevitably couldn’t keep up, I didn’t blame the standard. I blamed myself.
Most of us girlies don’t even realise it’s happening either. We’ve just accepted that a 12-step skincare routine, half a dozen supplements, and walking around the house to hit 10,000 steps is completely normal.
We’ve been sold an impossibly high standard of success and told it’s wellness, when really it’s just more unnecessary pressure.
And it’s showing up in more ways than you’d think.
1 | You’re copying everyone else
Waking up at 5 am is not the key to self-improvement. Trust me. I’ve been there. It just adds to your exhaustion, especially if, like me, you’re not a morning person.
The wellness industry has done a brilliant job of convincing us there’s one right way to be well. And it usually looks like someone else’s life — someone with a ring light, a matcha latte, and a skincare routine that costs more than your rent.
Most of us are so busy consuming self-improvement content that we never actually stop to ask whether any of it is relevant to us in the first place.
We just assume that if it worked for someone else, it’ll work for us too.
But what works for a 28-year-old fitness influencer in LA is not automatically going to work for you. We’re all built differently. And copying someone else’s routine will never fix a problem that’s uniquely yours.
You need to build your routine around your own body, your own energy levels, your own schedule — your own actual needs.
Because what counts as self-care for you might be a long bath and an early bedtime. It might also be saying no to plans, or doing absolutely nothing.
So, don’t do what’s most popular — do what works for you and actually feels good.
2 | You’re consuming more than you’re implementing
There’s way too much information out there, and it’s all competing for our attention at once.
Do you read Atomic Habits or The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People? Should you be meditating in the morning or journaling? Or both? Is a hot girl walk enough movement, or do you also need to be doing weight training? Red light therapy or ice baths?
The sheer volume of advice is genuinely overwhelming.
And when you’re already burnt out, your mind tricks you into believing that all this stuff matters. That this endless list of biohacking tools, supplements, miracle serums and wellness hacks might finally make you feel younger, healthier, more put-together.
Like, maybe the missing piece of the puzzle is a $300 LED mask after all.
We’re influenced into becoming our best self, but without a clear vision of who she is, we end up doing everything we consume half-heartedly or doing nothing at all and feeling guilty about it.
This is overstimulation, not self-improvement.
And what you really need is less.
3 | You’re doing it from a place of self-criticism, not self-care
There’s a big difference between doing something because you love yourself and doing something because you think you’re not good enough.
And most of us fall into the second category without even realising it.
We force ourselves out of bed at 5 am, obsessively track everything we eat, and take cold showers because some guy swore on a podcast that it would change your life.
But we’re not doing this stuff because we want to feel amazing.
We’re doing it because at some point, we started believing we needed fixing.
And when that’s the energy you’re bringing to your wellness routine, it doesn’t matter how many good habits you build or how many steps you hit. It’ll never feel like enough, because there will always be something new to add to the list.
So I want you to hear this…
You’re not a project to be optimised and improved. You’re a woman who deserves to feel good without having to earn it first.
Read that again.
The stuff that is supposed to help us beat burnout has turned into another standard to meet. We’ve been influenced to believe that a 12-step skincare routine, supplement subscription, and 10K steps per day are just some of the things we need to feel like a high-value woman.
Notes by Thalia
What to do instead
Sounds counterintuitive, I know, because self-improvement is the literal meaning of personal growth and learning from past mistakes.
But I want you to come at it from a different angle.
You’re not optimising yourself. You’re becoming a version of yourself that you wholeheartedly love.
And that version doesn’t come from a 12-step morning routine or 75-day fitness challenge.
It comes from knowing what you actually need and giving yourself permission to do less.
So before you buy into all the hype, do these three things first, because I guarantee what you need right now isn’t another meditation app or $300 product.
P.S. I encourage you to save this post (like now!!) so you can come back to it whenever you need to.
1 | Map out your core values
The only way to cut through the online noise of self-improvement is to get clear on your values.
Without the clarity of knowing what you truly stand for, you’ll keep wasting your time, money, and energy on things that probably don’t matter to you.
We strive to become the best versions of ourselves, and yet, we don’t even know what that looks like.
We just have a vague idea of how we want to look — not how we want to feel, think, or act.
And because we’re not clear on what we truly want, we look to influencers, trends, and everyone else to fill in the gaps.
But the only person who can fill that gap is you. And your values are the only standard worth measuring yourself against.
Once you know what they are, you can let them lead.
If you’re curious about where to start, comment VALUES below, and I’ll send you the exact framework I use with my clients to help them figure out what drives them, what drains them, and what’s actually worth their time and energy.
2 | Focus on the basics
Sleep. Movement. Good nutrition. That’s it.
I know, I know, not exactly groundbreaking stuff, but hear me out, because we’ve somehow convinced ourselves that the basics aren’t enough and we need to be doing more.
If you’re getting 7-9 hours of sleep a night, moving your body, keeping hydrated, and eating a reasonably balanced diet, you do not need a complicated workout or a cupboard full of supplements.
Trust me. I do yoga 3-5 times a week and go for walks. That’s it. And I’m the strongest and most flexible I’ve ever been.
I’m not saying that to brag. I’m just saying, you don’t always need an expensive AF personal trainer or a fridge full of green juice to feel good in your body.
Stick to what works for you and your body, no matter how bloody simple it is.
3 | Don’t try to “fix” everything at once
Most self-improvement advice is built around what works for the average person, not what actually works for you.
So when you try to do all of it at once, you end up spreading yourself thin and burning out before any of it has a chance to work.
You don’t need to overhaul your sleep cycle, your diet, your morning routine, and your mindset all in the same week. Because if you’re anything like me, you’ll feel overwhelmed, give up after step one, and then wonder if the problem is you.
The problem isn’t you. You’re setting yourself up to fail.
So pick just one thing.
The one thing that, if you actually did it, would make the biggest difference to how you feel right now.
Maybe it’s getting to bed before midnight, or going on a daily walk, or even swapping doom scrolling for bloom scrolling.
Whatever habit you choose, start there. Let it become second nature, and then build on top of it.
You’re not a project to be optimised and improved. You’re a woman who deserves to feel good without having to earn it first.
Notes by Thalia
Final thoughts
Self-improvement isn’t the villain here, and I don’t want you to walk away thinking it is.
Learning, growing, becoming a better version of yourself, that stuff does matter. It’s one of the most worthwhile things you can invest in.
But there’s a version of self-improvement that comes from believing you’re not enough. That you need to be fixed, optimised, or upgraded before you’re allowed to feel good about yourself, and that version will burn you out every single time.
So instead of trying to fix yourself, focus on building on what you already have first — aka your strengths, your values, your self-worth. Become someone you respect and are proud of, rather than someone who’s constantly chasing a goal that never seems to end.
Give yourself permission to do less.
I promise your simple little routine is more than enough.
You’ve got this.
Thalia xx
